ConfidentialFor Accredited Investors Only

LAZAR HOLDINGS:
EMERGENCY CAPITAL CALL

Leveraging the family balance sheet to the absolute brink.

Series CQ1 2027PIK Toggle
Executive Summary

Following a successful Seed Round (Phoebe) and Series A (Simmy), Lazar Holdings is proud to announce a surprise Series C expansion coming Q1 2027. Management has bypassed regulatory approval. Quiet time is down 98% YoY. Caffeine intake is currently vertical.

Org Chart — Capitalization Table
Seed (2019)Ian LazarCo-Managing Partner / Head of Liquidity DrainWTI Crude constraint bypassed
Seed (2019)Julie LazarCo-Managing Partner / General PartnerUltimate Decision Maker
Series A (2023)Phoebe Lazar (Age 3)Director of Toy Disruption
Series A (2023)Simmy Lazar (Age 1)Director of Noise Compliance
Series C (Q1 2027)TBDIncoming Junior AssociateDisturbance Specialist
Degen Statistics
Sleep Deprivation IndexProjected: 420.69% by Mar 2027
0%25%50%75%100%Q1 2025Q2 2025Q3 2025Q4 2025Q5 2025Q6 2025Q7 2025
Household EBITDA Allocation
Diapers
62%
Target / ALD Fits
28%
Celsius (Ian)
8%
Surplus
2%

Household EBITDA: fully eaten by diapers and ALD fits.

Net Worth vs. Toy DensityInverse correlation
Toys
Sleep Deprivation IndexProjected ATH by March 2027
420.69%
Household EBITDAFully consumed by diapers and ALD fits
NEGATIVE
Net Worth vs. Toy DensityStrong inverse correlation
r = -0.97